Sunday, January 08, 2017

why don't you be you, and i'll be me

One thing that 2016 taught me: It's ok not to be ok.

Sleepless nights and loss of appetites... It's ok not to be ok.

To be brutally honest... 2016 hasn't been that great. Looking back, it seem like I spent most of the year trying to hold myself together. Too caught in between my heart and mind? I don't know. I wasn't happy at all... The year went pass with me trying to get by, you know like 'get over yourself'.

On the happier note, I did start to feel whole again by the end of the year.

2016 was the year I found out that I would rather spend time with myself than head out for endless drinking and makan sessions. I still do... Very selectively or hungrily. You know you are surrounded by strangers and acquitances almost everyday, making pointless small conversations about everything and anything... You just start to appreciate alone time a lot more.

It was also the year I (fully) understood that you are not the number of likes and followers you have on Instagram, or the number of views you have on your stories, or even the amount of friends you have on Facebook (if you are still using it ha ha)... It was this year that I truly realise how easy it is to fabricate a enviable and glamorous life on social media. People only show what they want others to see. Well, I don't want anyone to see my kind of mini shithole that I trapped myself in... So I conveniently hide it with food. pretty scenic photos and my happy face hahaha.

But to be fair, there are still truly happy moments I share there. 🤗

I suppose I realise that you have to start living for yourself instead of... Pleasing everyone else. Yes I could appear more 'on' if I were to attended those drinking sessions. Er people will like me more because I'm so fun. I can post tribillion photos of myself in kebaya because I'm so so so proud to be a Singapore Girl, gain so many likes that it satisfies my egoistic needs but only to feel down again because irl I look like a cow in my kebaya haha. We are all blindly following these social norms and the end of the day... Will we be really happy?

So... 2017 is for you Bel. Selfishly, for you and only you.

I hope you make something out of those bubbles in your head...

But if things ever go south, always remember that it's ok not to be ok.

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