Friday, April 14, 2017

'You’re going to miss her.
She’ll pull away at first gradually. And in the beginning, you won’t realize that she is pulling away.
Despite that, she’ll keep looking back, hoping that you will clue in. See, she’s looking for every reason to turn around. But what hurts her isn’t leaving, it’s that you’re not going to notice for a while how gone she really is.
Because when she’s right in front of you, you don’t care and if you do, you aren’t showing it. Because it isn’t as simple as answering a text. You aren’t being what she needs. And that’s why she has to go.


Slowly you’ll see she’s not every first like or view across social media. The things she tags you in will become less and less. Her starting conversations looking for any reason to talk to you will be replaced with silence.
And the moment you realize you might have lost her, you’ll realize how everything reminds you of her.
Suddenly you’ll be the one looking for reasons to talk to her. Something good happens and you want to tell her. Something bad happens and you miss that shoulder you used to cry on. Days turn into weeks and you realize how little she comes around. And you wonder when you’re going to see her again. You realize how much you look forward to that day and how much you miss her.


It’ll be in that moment you realize how strong she was for loving someone who couldn’t love her back the way she deserved.


And you want to reach out. But there’s an apprehension because you know what you did. Or rather what you didn’t. You’ll fumble through this realization of how much you do care and you want to tell her. You don’t realize how much she misses you too, only she’s not showing it. You don’t realize how many conversations she wanted to have with you, you just didn’t give her the time of day — so she disappeared.
But trust me — the day will come where you do see her again, and she will be holding the hand of someone who isn’t you, and that’s when it’ll hit you the hardest.


She’s gone. And now you’re stuck watching her give all of the love you could have had, to someone else.'


@kirstencorleyofficial via @thoughtcatalog

Sunday, February 19, 2017

love is not a mistake


'I want her back so bad, 
I leave the door unlocked
I leave the lights on' 

(made me tear every single time i watch this)

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

where do i go from here? 

Sunday, February 05, 2017

you were my addiction
now i'll have to find something in place

till whenever. 

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Contemplating if I should let go of my 6 year old Macbook Air... I'm not even tempted by the new rose gold Macbook although it matches my phone perfectly... :( 

Got this baby when I was barely 20, working and studying at the same time. It was a period of time when I thought life sucks because I've no money hahahahaha. Daddy paid for it first and made me return him the money on a monthly basis. Tough love? But I think it explains why I am so emotionally attached to this. I mean even after 2 trips down to the service center (both times they avidly encouraged me to just get a new laptop) and over a week of trying to fix it myself... I'm still trying ha ha ha. 

No audio only... Won't die right? 

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

do you want to build a snowman

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Say hello to Mr Snowman! Eyes made of effervescent tablets, carrot nose, twig hands and chocolate buttons. I wonder if he's still surviving there? ⛄️

My standbys got snowballed (pun indeed) and I got called up to Zurich with Nadia! Flights with familiar faces are so so much fun! Took a 3 hours train ride out to Grindelwald, something I wouldn't do if I was alone on this flight. Trust me, it's tempting to stay in the toasty room and have cup noodles/ cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Anyways... Grindelwald was soooo scenic, it felt pretty surreal standing there with all the snowcapped mountains around us. It almost felt like we weren't supposed to be there. Think a really sunny day with sparkly snow everywhere. The temperature was -11ΒΊc and I must say... 3 layers of heat tech, 1 knit top, 1 extra extra warm fur leggings and my Zara parka didn't do its job. :'(

Thank you control for calling me up on this flight!! Can't wait to explore the rest of the Jungfung region and of course Kangastan... When the weather gets warmer πŸ˜› 
D

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

summertime

Grounds of Alexandria

Grounds of Alexandria

Grounds of Alexandria

Grounds of Alexandria

Grounds of Alexandria

Grounds of Alexandria


Got called up for Shitney, which turned out not too shitty because of familiar faces. :')

Made our way to the Grounds of Alexandria which was so so pretty! This is a really different kind of Sydney. Done it a dozen time and the furthest I went was the Korean joint 10 minutes away from our hotel. Will never ever forget my first solo on SQ211, was so worried that the rest of my flying career would be just like that... πŸ˜¨

The aftermath of 'chiong-ing' was concussing for more than 14h back in Singapore... And then almost sleeping through the whole of the next day. Yes you need at least 2 days to recover from a Sydney flight hahaha. Oh well, it's all worth it. 

Monday, January 09, 2017

Sunday, January 08, 2017

why don't you be you, and i'll be me

One thing that 2016 taught me: It's ok not to be ok.

Sleepless nights and loss of appetites... It's ok not to be ok.

To be brutally honest... 2016 hasn't been that great. Looking back, it seem like I spent most of the year trying to hold myself together. Too caught in between my heart and mind? I don't know. I wasn't happy at all... The year went pass with me trying to get by, you know like 'get over yourself'.

On the happier note, I did start to feel whole again by the end of the year.

2016 was the year I found out that I would rather spend time with myself than head out for endless drinking and makan sessions. I still do... Very selectively or hungrily. You know you are surrounded by strangers and acquitances almost everyday, making pointless small conversations about everything and anything... You just start to appreciate alone time a lot more.

It was also the year I (fully) understood that you are not the number of likes and followers you have on Instagram, or the number of views you have on your stories, or even the amount of friends you have on Facebook (if you are still using it ha ha)... It was this year that I truly realise how easy it is to fabricate a enviable and glamorous life on social media. People only show what they want others to see. Well, I don't want anyone to see my kind of mini shithole that I trapped myself in... So I conveniently hide it with food. pretty scenic photos and my happy face hahaha.

But to be fair, there are still truly happy moments I share there. πŸ€—

I suppose I realise that you have to start living for yourself instead of... Pleasing everyone else. Yes I could appear more 'on' if I were to attended those drinking sessions. Er people will like me more because I'm so fun. I can post tribillion photos of myself in kebaya because I'm so so so proud to be a Singapore Girl, gain so many likes that it satisfies my egoistic needs but only to feel down again because irl I look like a cow in my kebaya haha. We are all blindly following these social norms and the end of the day... Will we be really happy?

So... 2017 is for you Bel. Selfishly, for you and only you.

I hope you make something out of those bubbles in your head...

But if things ever go south, always remember that it's ok not to be ok.