Friday, August 14, 2015


"It’s about falling asleep in an undisclosed city, in an unnamed hotel, at an hour that you don’t know what, knowing that no one can keep up with you and you can’t even keep up with yourself

It’s lonely because no matter who loves you when you are New York and they are in Charlotte, your life can only include them in moments. The ‘I miss yous’ and ‘See you soons’find you in London today, but Los Angeles tomorrow. They think your life is glamorous and you do too, but you can’t explain just how much a normal day at a museum with them, in a normal city means. Because you don’t want glamour, you just want to know they are there for you and you will be there for them. The problem is, you don’t know where you will be tomorrow and you know it’s selfish to drag someone through your crazy life with you. You place a little bit of a guard around your heart, throwing yourself into everything that the flight attendant life is instead, because that will take care of all the loneliness. 

You can’t pack all of your relationships with you all of the time and you feel so guilty for this. The guilt begins to pile up like an overweight bag, reminding that maybe with this perfect life you are losing what you care about most and who cares about you. You keep falling asleep alone in hotel rooms where the numbers run together and you don’t know if you’re in 215 or 512 or, “Was that the room number from last week’s trip?” You begin to wonder if it’s worth it."

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