累

It's both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. 

white chicks

Minus Brandy and Mr To.

Thank you for still being here despite me being quite a crappy friend at times. I promise to read the WhatsApp group chat and reply promptly although I have 12903 new messages every time I touchdown. Love you guys, I secretly hope that you won't get girlfriends so I won't have to share  👻👻👻

Pretty sure none of them read this space so please don't tell them I said that hehe. 

greens

I don't think these 2 ever appeared on this space together. So they deserve a 3 photos at a go. Day out to celebrate Jer's birthday over at Botanists! Warm, humid and all but the company made it so much better. :')

Happy belated birthday Jerrbears! Thank you for sharing all the Uber/ Shopback/ Taobao deals with me. You helped me save (and spend) lots of money ha ha ha ha. 💛

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

Back at Winter Wonderland after close to 2 years! I remember it rained throughout the night when I was there the other time... Thankful for the clear skies although it was forecasted to pour! Second time here but still mesmerized by all the fairy lights, carousels and basically... Everything. So much love for Christmas markets although they are pretty much the same everywhere. Think old school carnival games, Christmas trees, hot chocolate and mulled wine...

😍🎄🎅🏻🎁

sunshine

I was in this crazy queue in Bershka when this song played. There was this African lady in front of me and her boyfriend/ husband/ partner was waiting for her out of the line. He was doing this cute little dance along to the beat and she just watched him with such adoring eyes... With a 'I'm so lucky to have you' smile spread across her face. 

Find this someone who you could look at the same way, and of course, vice versa. Never settle for mediocrity, nice or good enough. 

You deserve someone who sets a fire in you that cannot die, someone sees the world in you.

24, and I feel whole again. :')

dear bel

It's time to get your act together. I'm sorry that I allowed you to feel this way, let alone let anyone else make you feel this way. I'm sorry that the guilt you carry all these years allowed you to think that its ok for someone to poison you with words. I'm sorry for allowing yourself to beat yourself up about something that happened years ago. You have lived with such chaos in your head that now that things are crystal clear... You should start to feel relief.

Relief that you are not the only one. Relief that you have finally what you need to move on. Relief that you are no longer stuck in this viscous cycle where there's clearly no winners and only 2 person trying to prove who hurt more.

Please don't let this get the better of you. You deserve way more than this. Mistakes are mistakes and you have to let it go. You are doing good in life and more will come. Yes, you were filled with such sadness that no one, not even yourself can comprehend. But now it will all go away because you opened up and that's a good first step. 

You will pick yourself up. Start to eat better, sleep better. Spend more time with people you love rather than hiding under your blanket wasting your day away repeating different scenarios in your head. Go out and start seeing the world again, for there's so much to life than your hotel room, Instagram, Netflix and dwelling on the bygones.

I promise you things will get better here on. 

I promise you that you will not look back at all these with regret but only a sudden realization that everything happens for a reason. 

you touched me and suddenly i was a lilac sky
and you decided that purple just wasn't for you

insomnia 1: bel 0

i take sleeping pills like its vitamin c.

pick your poison

some people smoke,
others drink,
and others fall in love,
each one dies from a different way. 

you knew i was fragile but you dropped me anyway

13 days

That's all I need.

'You are what you think.'

'Your thoughts become your actions.'

I was such a strong believer of such sayings for the longest time. Can't put a finger to what changed till now. Is it me? Or did I grew out of these naivety? 

Will everything be ok as long as I tell myself that everyday? 

sometimes it's not the butterflies that tells you you're in love, but the pain. 

They say the people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander. Who is able to vouch for that though. We cling on desperately on things we don't want to lose. Forgoing our pride and ego, allowing them to be trampled upon. The biggest question is always to try harder or walk away? 

Morals, values and all the 'I would nevers' you swore upon in your early teens. I had so much of those. I carried so much hope for the future. Now I could only feel the emptiness in my bones... My mind is in so much chaos for the longest time, that now it is like a broken recorder playing at the back of my head.

I tried to be happy, I tried to do the right thing. 

I really did.

I wish I could be my very own knight in shining amour.

Hahahaha found in a post, on this exact same day in 2007:

if you love someone tell them because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken..

Oh 15 year old Bel, you'd be ashamed at ~24 year old Bel.

Did I age backwards?

get it together, please 

to-do lists

I'm big on to-do lists. 

It avoids the 23849248th time getting late charge on credit card/ phone bills, finally banking in THAT cheque and making an appointment at browhaus before it gets full AGAIN... Not forgetting the sense of satisfaction after checking those tiny little boxes.

If you don't already know... I'm the queen of procrastination. It seem to get worse after flying because you seem to have plenty of time on ground. Until about 8h before reporting? You panic. 

Sometimes I find myself desperately trying to keep my life together. Most of the time I'm waiting for everything to fall in nicely. Meanwhile, I'll just continue ticking those little boxes, trying to make something out of life. 

hello 2016

15 days late, but here am I!

2015 has... Well, just been another year. Travelled to tons of other new places, which I surprisingly still enjoy so very much. A year and a half of jetting around taught me so much. Guess the biggest takeaway would be independence. But I was never a 'needy' one to start with. Totally fine with eating/ shopping/ walking alone though at some point in time, you just yearn for some real human interaction. Not just acquaintance having small talks about 'other people'/ what to do with life after flying/ yadayadayada. You know it would be totally different if you had someone who knows you, even if its just hanging out in the hotel room. 

Oh well, kinda got over it at some point. Because... I was never the kind to make connection with people. I think it would take at least 5 Europe flight to get me to hug you and another 5 to bunk in with you. :P

Perhaps 2016 would be a year of 'finding myself'. It's scary when you don't know if you changed or is this just your true self. Hitting 24 this year means no more fooling around and really start saving some moolah instead of thinking that you are destined to be rich. Ha ha. 

I've really silly new year resolutions which I hope to stick to.. Eg: Removing nail polish after every flight (the state of my nails are... argh), fight insomnia through natural ways, get back to my pre-flying weight, ...

Of course I would like to document my traveling more often, if time permits. 

Till my next insomniac night everyone... :(