It's time to get your act together. I'm sorry that I allowed you to feel this way, let alone let anyone else make you feel this way. I'm sorry that the guilt you carry all these years allowed you to think that its ok for someone to poison you with words. I'm sorry for allowing yourself to beat yourself up about something that happened years ago. You have lived with such chaos in your head that now that things are crystal clear... You should start to feel relief.
Relief that you are not the only one. Relief that you have finally what you need to move on. Relief that you are no longer stuck in this viscous cycle where there's clearly no winners and only 2 person trying to prove who hurt more.
Please don't let this get the better of you. You deserve way more than this. Mistakes are mistakes and you have to let it go. You are doing good in life and more will come. Yes, you were filled with such sadness that no one, not even yourself can comprehend. But now it will all go away because you opened up and that's a good first step.
You will pick yourself up. Start to eat better, sleep better. Spend more time with people you love rather than hiding under your blanket wasting your day away repeating different scenarios in your head. Go out and start seeing the world again, for there's so much to life than your hotel room, Instagram, Netflix and dwelling on the bygones.
I promise you things will get better here on.
I promise you that you will not look back at all these with regret but only a sudden realization that everything happens for a reason.