endings are also new beginnings

Exactly one week ago, I bid goodbye to the corporate world. My 2 weeks notice was pretty torturous with the most negative and absurd remarks about my career move. To others it may be just a temporary escapism or just missing out on tons of other career opportunities. But to me, it's pretty much a dream come true. 

Up till now, 21 turning 22, I'm still overly consumed by wanderlust. There's just soooo much to life than to be desk-bounded, facing the computer screen from 9-6 everyday and with just 14 days annual leave a year. This part of me is just curious for what the rest of the world has in store. To breath the air of new places and make memories across the world. 

Of course there would be a long list of cons... Oh well, life is always a balancing act. Eventually it boils down to your own fundamental values. 

Will you be able to stay rooted? Or stray? 

About 3 more days to the end of my carefree days. Been trying my best to enjoy the remaining of these unemployed days but it never seem enough. Somehow I feel that there are still lots of unfinished business, especially when almost all my traveling plans are ruin. Perhaps thats why I feel so unprepared and unexcited to start the new phase of my life and the most dreadful one, adulthood. 

I got lucky and found what seem like a learning environment. Starting at ground zero shouldn't be a problem but I'm hoping with all my heart that all goes well. Probably would face some fresh grad woes and no one will tolerate any silly blunders anymore. :'( 

Guess this is just part and parcel of life. You will never be prepared. You can rant on and on about how you don't wanna grow up, being an adult sucks and working life is a torment. The society, your family and peers will gradually push you to the real world even when you are not ready. 

But if not now, then when? 

thank you 2013

Few things I managed to tick off my resolution list: Start a gratitude journal, graduate, visit 1 place that I've never been before, join 5 marathons (actually I only joined 3 but... I tried t.t), accompany daddy and mummy more often, complete my 2013 to-go list (then again, only 80% but its an achievement considering I've close to 40 on it) and once-a-week-vegan plan (failed in October but 10 months = 40 days of no meat in the year!) 

The year wasn't filled with all rainbows and butterflies but I'm thankful for all the opportunities (good and bad) given throughout the year. Starting with the biggest highlight which is bidding goodbye to long train rides and sleepless nights, because we completed our last degree in SIM! Turning 21 is yet another milestone because it was an unofficial greeting to the dreaded adulthood. Just like any 20-somethings, I'm clueless and lost. But wherever I'm going, I'm on my way.

Explored deeper into the café culture in Singapore and also visited the land of dimsum twice, once with my dearest Shixian and another with the guys. Being able to visit new places are both therapeutical and eye-opening experiences, and I'm more than grateful for the people who share the same sentiments. 

Passed the one year mark with J which wasn't easy, especially with both of us in different paths of life. Thank you for tolerating my monthly nonsensical tantrums and giving your everything in this relationship. And I promise that this year would be better than anything else. :) 

So hello 2014, please be kind. For I will be taking babysteps into adulthood and pursuing something I never knew that I want so badly. Just a sneak into my new year resolutions: Travel to 3 places I've never been, get a gym membership (then of course be an active member), join another 5 marathons, start fulfilling my duties as a daughter (after getting a permanent job) and lastly, to fill my life with more positivity and contentment. :')

be so good that they can't ignore you

Been feeling kinda out of sorts lately. Maybe the thought of being fully unemployed by January scares me a little. I like plans. Short-term, long-term and even to-do lists gives me a sense of assurance and completeness. Perhaps juggling school and work for the past 5 years also played a part in developing the habit of having my time planned months and weeks before. Now, January is completely blank and I can't help but to feel a little lost and... Unsettled. 

Recently I started reading a book I picked up at the fair a few months ago. Cal Newport emphasized on the importance of skills versus following your passion. He gave numerous examples of successful people who did not follow their passion or even have a passion to begin with. Instead, they worked on what they were doing and developed their passion from there. 

I found this part really true: 

' First, when you focus only on what your work offers you, it makes you hyperaware of what you don't like about it, leading the chronic unhappiness. This is especially true in entry-level positions, which, by definition, are not going to be filled with challenging projects and autonomy- these will come later.

Second, and more serious, the deep questions driving the passion mindset- 'Who am I?' and 'What do I truly love?' are essentially impossible to confirm. 'Is this really who am I' and 'Do I really love this?' rarely reduce to clear yes-or-no responses. In other words, the passion mindset is almost guaranteed to keep you perceptually unhappy and confused.' 

Guess I have quite a while to think about this if my plan A don't work out. Currently, I'm maintaining the status quo. Doing what I would usually do during holidays (plus alot more lazing around), working the same easy jobs accompanied by the few familiar faces. This is the kind of carefree and 'bummer' lifestyle I would definitely miss 5/ 10/ 20 years down the road.

Just giving myself till 2014 to enjoy this last bit of my youth. :'(

moments I never want to forget

It was 2AM and I can't get into sleep (again). Few moments ago, I joined you in your room. You were in the same position, watching one of your never-ending collection of movies and dramas. So I lay there hugging you while you watched a tragic Hong Kong soap opera. No words were spoken the whole time. All you did was patting my back in a slow, synchronized beat. 

And somehow, that calmed my unsettling heart.

keep faith

Everything happens for a reason. All we can do is to keep our fingers crossed and believe that all that happened now will eventually lead us to where we need to be. Nothing can describe how glad and comforting that we are in this together @yanstasy! Really cannot imagine going through all of these alone, in a room full of unfamiliar (and some really unfriendly) faces. May Lady Luck be with us and we'll be in the same room again. :) 

1am thoughts

Hiiiii *waves guiltily*

And I'm here mainly due to my grumbling tummy. Trying really hard to sleep it off but there is this unfulfilling feeling inside me. I'm someone who really hates being hungry, there is this vision of my metabolism rate dropping and dropping. This may explain why I'll never get skinny. Ah, the irony. 

Just completed a full shift with wyy today! Money is never enough these days. Blame it on my spendthrift and wanderlust nature which are probably inherited from the mother. But after giving it some thoughts, shouldn't we spend and enjoy now since there are no obligations and responsibilities? We have the rest of our lives to plan, save and scrimp for our future houses, kids and cars. Shouldn't we enjoy the freedom now? 

This may sound absurd to some of you but it makes perfect sense to me (and to some others I shared this with). Approximately 5 more months till we enter the 'real' world and frankly speaking. its way too soon. :( 

r u n

So at the start of 2013 I told myself that I would join at least 5 marathons this year (regardless of distance). It's May and I've done 2 already! Not to mention the enthusiastic friends whom I can join them with. Not everyone appreciates marathons you know. It may sound really silly. Why pay $30-$50 when you can just fork out a fraction of it to run in the gym or even for free... 

Running outdoors is therapeutic and its actually a little sneaky 'me' time to clear my head most of the time. I really hate traffic lights though. Most of the time my running routes are planned to avoid them. How often do you get to run along the Singapore skyline without having to pass any awkward traffic lights? 

Pretty glad that I found something that is enjoyable enough to make it feel more like a lifestyle instead of chore / task to complete. Love what you do and you are doing what you love. Some people swim, some play different ball activities or gym (though i don't think anyone is able to find joy in there). At some point I figured that I had to find something that I don't dread so much that it would work out in the long run. 

Perhaps this running thing would fade away soon and I would most probably move into yoga...

Namaste. :) 

It's not the happy people who are thankful
It's the thankful people who are happy

ord loh!

Out for some prata and icecream because Junkai got his pink i/c back! Finally two are back to the normal civilian life, 5 more to go! Missing those impromptu weekday suppers and endless random talks everywhere and anywhere. :'(

Monday in detail

Finally woke up in time for class, caught an almost empty bus (miracle on a Monday morning), empty non-reserved seat waiting for me just as I board the train (it was really waiting for me because the train was 3/4 packed and my laptop/ heavy bag was killing my arms), found the missing piece of my ear plugs (was quite bummed that it went missing initially so I tried looking again and tada!), barely waited for 74, reached early (miracle x2), early enough to grab some fruits for breakie, bumped into wyy and tsx :), some really impromptu hk trip planning with tsx (I really hope that wyy can tag along though ), fave soup spoon for my detox Monday, got the cozy corner Starbucks seat, found my new addiction that I drank 2 cups of it, finally hit 1k for IB essay (trust me, it's a struggle), 28 came in barely a minute, long htht with daddy & mummy, picked out some really cute outfits together for Richelle, workout> laziness, short talk with J (^^), bed, roll, roll, roll and........

It's 5.34AM...

I've been awake for close to 24h because of that 2 cups of green tea latte (which I should really have decafed it...).

Since positivity is the key, I'm glad for this sleepless night that I get to thoroughly reflect on my Monday which went pretty good except for the sleepless part.

Oh well... When was the last time I did such a detailed entry?

Good night / good morning everybody :'(

march

get over your hill and see what you find there,

with grace in your heart

and flowers in your hair.

hello 2013

Thankful that everything fell into place in 2012. From graduation to starting a new phase of life in SIM.  Thankful for the people around and I'm very sure you know who you are. Thankful for the love I learned to receive and accept. Thankful for the many opportunities to visit new places and enjoy quality food + company frequently. 

Happy New Year my faithful readers, may 2013 be filled with nothing but love, happiness and positive thoughts. 

x

october

Half of my (used to be) favorite month is gone. Having to study the most dreadful paper on my birthday is not helping... Trying hard to kick up a big fuss. But really, human resource paper a day before, organizational theory a day after and 4 papers spread out in 2 weeks... Really? 

Not a birthday person this year, nopes. 

I should really be studying. 

morning train ride

all you wanted

It's 2.30am in the morning and I'm typing this while waiting for the drowsiness from the flu meds to kick in. September started off great. Submitted the most dreadful assignment (ever) and completed another in a day! 2 more individual essays and we are done with this assignment rush. Oh wait, perhaps my September didn't start off that good after all. Down with horrible sore throat and flu. The 'regulars' lurking around my body 24/7. Such pity, the past few nights were perfect a run. My new found escapism. In love with the adrenaline rush and how it keep things off my mind for a while...

Alright it's time for bed! Hopefully I'll be well tomorrow because it's brunch day with the girls~~~ It will be a happy mid-week yay.

back!

Hello to anyone still reading, I'm back from my long hiatus. 

Yes yes I'm back to liven up this space abit. Now I can't help but to find it such a pity that the last 2 months was missed. Was so caught up with work and squeezing a little time for myself and the favorite people.

Been living the vicious cycle of traveling to the west for a 3 hours class and then back to the east again. Grateful for the few familiar faces in campus, making school less dreadful than it should be. It's only the fifth day into August and my scheduler is filled up with deadlines, work schedules, food dates (^^) and what-nots. Officially brought "life is a balancing act" into a whole new level. 

On a lighter note... Guess who got a new macbk air for the new semester?

^.^

mellow

Can we skip my jammed pack May and go to July now now now now now??

not all who wander are lost

Probably not the only one at life's crossroad now. I envy those who are so certain with what they are going to do with life. So far I've only eliminated choices which seem to be so promising at the start... Such a waste to change disciplines now but I'm honestly having second thoughts of majoring in marketing again. Daddy can't stop harping on how foolish I will be to give the 18 months degree a miss... Yet another follow-your-mind-or-heart case. Just hoping with all my heart that everything will turn out fine. Somehow, I will stop feeling so lost and everything will start falling in place perfectly.

xxxxx

celebration of learning

Last lecture on Friday! School is not over for us though, really glad that my group was one of the lucky 6 pitching to Singapore Flyer on the coming Friday. Just felt like those long hours spent in school the past month paid off. Funny how 3 years just passed by like that. Freshman year felt like just yesterday. The people I've met over these 3 years are definitely for keeps. Part and parcel of life, but I don't like the thought of everyone slowly moving on with their lives. Guess we all have to master the art of growing up without growing apart...

80% done with local university applications. More important decisions to make in the few months to come. I really hope that I'm not the only one feeling so incredibly lost over future plans... Probably have to keep our fingers crossed and believe that the choices we make now will eventually lead us to where we have to be.